To cum or not to cum

I’ve had a tough time under orders over the last few weeks (spent a week not allowed to touch myself in my own home) so requested having a few days of ‘free access’ just to remind myself what I’m missing, from after Hazel on Tuesday up to Friday clubbing. However, I foreshortened that by suggesting to Hazel that I be locked up all day Friday, and she further foreshortened it by then instructing me not to touch myself from 7pm on Thursday.

So Tuesday evening I started with making the most of my freedom. I cum once then, then 3 times on Wednesday (before work, at lunchtime, early evening) and twice on Thursday, at lunchtime and the last being half hour before my deadline.

I actually thought I’d cum more than that but somehow didn’t feel the same drive as I used to. Curious, I do wonder if the orders regime has ‘reprogrammed’ me to be less used to unrestricted playing? Did find none of the orgasms very strongly orgasmic, although all of them worth having! They were all white (tend to find if I cum a lot it goes more clear, running out of sperm I guess).

I expect I’ll be fairly well controlled over the weekend then not sure about next week, possibly back to orders from master and mistress, so I expect I’ll get to look back fondly on these few unrestricted days…

Chilling out

On Monday I went to the regular local munch, with rubber teeshirt under normal teeshirt as I often do. Only this time I was still in the chastity cage which Hazel had locked onto me Sunday morning with her own combination lock, which I’d had to wear overnight (horny 5am awakening) and to work. And also the neck chain also locked Sunday morning with her combination lock, hidden under my shirt at work.

After an appropriately boozy munch, I took Hazel back to my house. We both had the next day off work so planned a lazy day together. She unlocked my chastity device for a ‘more comfortable’ night of sleep (and perhaps some other things).

I woke early morning and started to put 2 and 2 together… I was unlocked with a raging hard-on and I had this sexy naked girl in my bed who was just starting to stir awake. Soon she was made a lot more awake by an experience which she seemed to enjoy so much more than her alarm clock!

After breakfast, I asked her to restrain me in a neck-to-wrist restraint which she dutifully locked onto me. This got my naked cock hard again and well out of my reach, which amused her that she could tease it without my hands getting in the way. I was able to demonstrate the benefits of having me secured, first with my tongue then when she was sitting on top of me using me as a dildo.

Later we went out to watch a film at the local cinema. I instructed her to skip the underwear part of her dressing, since I had plans to make best use of the darkness of the back row of the cinema. However, when it came down to it the cinema (on a Tuesday afternoon, although a school holiday) was too busy and not dark enough to get away with anything other than holding hands.

When we got home I offered to put Hazel into a dog cage that I know she’d been keen to try out. She likes playing as a little girl so bought a colouring book to pass the time. She also liked the idea of being a bear (teddy bear I think) so zipped on a fur fabric bear onesie I have. I put her in the cage and locked it up while I worked at my computer. She did her colouring in then had a nap and was caged for about an hour.

We went out for Tapas and discussed the club night we were going to on Friday. I said that I thought I should be locked into my chastity device on Friday morning so she could keep me secured for the club. She agreed but added that I should not touch myself from 7pm on the Thursday, which I wasn’t expecting but found the idea got me horny (much of the stuff she says has that effect) so I agreed.

I called a taxi for her and sent her home. Most of the ‘dates’ we’ve had have been organised around an event we’ve been going to but today was just ‘chilling’ together. I saw it as a bit of a ‘test case’ of how we’d get on just together for a whole day, not being in bed all the time but doing ‘normal things’ together. It turned out very well, didn’t feel forced, just a nice time in nice company. That’s a very good sign J

Of straitjackets and Erotica

I met up with Hazel on Saturday evening and we went for a meal in a local restaurant. I decided to treat her to an extra-nice experience when we got home so I said to her, “I’m going to be nice to you, but don’t get used to it!”

Shortly after she got in the door, I told her to strip off all her clothes. She looked appropriately apprehensive about what was to come, and even more so when I blindfolded her. I knew she was keen to try my straitjacket so when I got it out I made a point of shaking it to make a fun rattling noise to build her fear of what was to come.

Before too long I had her strapped up in it and could see the subspace in her expression, she was feeling very secure. I had her kneel down and explained to her that now she was my girlfriend she would have to comply with all the girlfriendly duties as explained in the handbook. She seemed to understand when I unlocked my chastity device and put my cock to her lips…

Later I wired her up to my TENS unit while she was still blinded and straitjacketed. She’s used to her own TENS unit, but used to having control of it. She said it was quite strange not being able to control the shocks and having to put up with whatever setting I chose to shock her at.

Then later I knelt her down again, explained again about her duties and told her to open her mouth. But this time I put a strawberry covered in cream into it, and explained one of her duties was eating nice things J

Various play ensued, but eventually I released her from bonds and we went to bed. But late at night (quite possibly while being poked in the back by me) she woke and decided she’d have a more comfortable night sleeping in the straitjacket, so I strapped her up again and she snoozed away in bondage.

In the morning I told Hazel about my fantasy of being in bondage and played with while knowing that I was going to be locked in a chastity device before I would be released (a common horny theme for me). She’s such a nice girl she agreed to tease me ruthlessly J 

I put on the base ring of my chastity cage (one from ebay secured with a padlock) so it would be easier for her to fit the cage later. Then and she strapped me into the straitjacket and blindfolded me. She put me through various horny situations – touching me, licking and sucking me, forcing me to lick her, biting and scratching me. For a while she left me and went off to do other things. I drifted off into subspace, knowing I had no option but to dutifully wait for her to return. Eventually she returned and continued to tease and torture me. Then she decided I’d had enough and, after quite a while to wait for my boner to subside, slid on the cage. She set a combination padlock to her own combination and secured my cock with it.

We went out to Erotica, a kinky trade show in London. It was in a smaller venue than previous years and many of the companies we’d seen there in the past were no longer present – a sign of the times. We bought a few interesting toys, some with batteries, some with remote controls, and I got her a birthday present, a double-pinwheel attachment for her EStim device.

I was wearing a rubber suit, sleeveless with legs to my knees, trying to hide the bulge of the cock cage still secured on me. For a while I wore on top of it a purple camouflage zentai suit, full body covering except for small eye holes. Hazel was kind enough to padlock me into it (she finds zentai a bit odd but puts up with my kink for them).  That got a lot of odd stares and a few comments from the other attendees.

Hazel was in a meshy black top with a short black skirt and fishnet tights. The tights had a dense ‘panty’ part at the top so there was no need for any underwear (I’ve been training her not to wear any). For a while during the event she was also in a collar and a lead, which I was holding to drag her through the crowds.

Just before we left, Hazel decided the tights were getting too annoying as they kept sliding down, so decided to remove them. On the journey home she now felt quite self-conscious as there was only the very short skirt hiding her modesty and nothing underneath. I, on the other hand, found it very erotic that her fun parts were only about half an inch out of view of the general public. I had to stand behind her as she went up stairs and escalators to avoid showing herself to the world. I said she was very brave to do something that I found so horny, although she did think that she had no option as she had nothing else to wear.

We made it home safely without causing any major scandals.

Drunken messages

Friday my orders were to cum once, still not in the house. Since I’d be going out in the evening I thought my only chance to obey the orders would be at work. So I very nervously snuck out to the toilet during the morning and started tugging in a place where such things really shouldn’t go on. I got distracted by nearby noises and gave up, but later returned in the afternoon and managed a very rushed and not very satisfying shoot using hand cleaning gel, then tidied up very quickly.

I was out in the evening, telling friends about my new girlfriend and bar-hopping until I got too drunk to continue. A little hung over, I checked my phone to discover the drunken messages I’d been sending Hazel overnight. My last order of the current set was to cum in the shower then lock on a cb. I spent a leisurely time in the shower playing and eventually blew my load, cleaned up and locked up.

During Saturday afternoon I went to the postoffice and picked up the chastity device that I returned to the maker to be modified (more of that in another post when I get some pictures). I went into the local shopping centre toilets but this time it wasn’t to wank – quite the opposite, it was to swap the chastity device I’d been wearing for the new one. It fit very well and the modification to make it more secure looked quite effective. I kept it locked on in preparation for seeing Hazel in the evening.

Less intense

Wednesday I was allowed to cum up to 3 times (none in the house) but didn’t get a chance for any.

Thursday my instruction was to cum up to twice (still none in the house), and one had to be ruined. I decided as soon as I got the order that the first cum I would have would be the ruined one (such a masochist!) and I worked out nearer the time that I’d only have time for one.

I took in a delivery of an online grocery order, and wore a tight metal ball stretcher under shorts just to make the process a bit more interesting. Once done, I pulled on a one piece boilersuit (actually a military tank suit) and headed out to a local public toilet with a bottle of lube, still ball stretched, feeling fairly self-conscious about what I was doing.

In the toilet I unzipped the boilersuit and was instantly naked above the ankles. I lubed up and started playing, knowing that I had to ruin my own orgasm. I tugged away thinking about past and future orders, and felt the cum building up. Just as it all started to happen I opened my hand and let the cum pulse through my cock without any further stimulation.

There was quite a cum delivery but very limited sensation as a result. It felt like it could have been quite an intense orgasm. If I’d been allowed to squeeze my cock at the right time I could have been crying out and shouting the building down with pleasure. Instead, I complied with my orders and just watched as my seed dripped uselessly from my cock. Clearly I’m under quite some mental control if I’m ruining my own experiences like this, but feel more submissive as a result.

I cleaned up, rezipped my boilersuit and headed home. Once again I felt a relaxed lightness leaving the toilet which was very different to the tension on the way there. So orgasmic relief seems to apply even when it’s ruined.

Intense

Tuesday and my order is to cum up to 5 times today, but all week I’m not allowed any sexual touching at all in my house.

My last cum was a fairly rushed and unsatisfying one on Thursday evening, and since then most of the time locked in chastity except for some play but no cum with Hazel. Before that my previous cum was twice last Tuesday (one in public toilet, once rushed before going out). Before that I think (so long ago!) I had a nice relaxing play on Saturday morning. That’s 10 days since I got to cum in a non-rushed situation!

To be fair, my original orders were more generous but happened to clash with previous arrangements for events I was going to, so had to fit orders around other things.

So today I have the day off work (using up leave before the end of the year) so my plan is to go out shopping and visit local public toilets where I’ll be allowed to cum for the first time in 5 days. I headed out in the afternoon wearing shorts and teeshirt – the weather was quite pleasant but with a significant chance of rain. I quite like getting rained on.

I went straight for the toilets in one of the local shopping centres, and when there I stripped off my shorts and teeshirt. I set up a camera in the corner then knelt on the floor naked, lubed up and started playing with my cock for the first time in what feels like ages. And before too long it happened…

After some lubing and rubbing and thinking of kinky things, I felt an orgasm build and a small blob of cum came out of my cock. But it didn’t feel like it was over, and as I continued a few seconds later, more came. But the second load was huge, it fired through my cock giving a very intense orgasmic feeling. Can’t recall the last time I had such a powerful one. I looked down to see a big puddle of very white cum splattered on the toilet floor.

I don’t know if the intensity was due to having not cum in 5 days or the teasing on the weekend, but something worked right. I’ve not cum for a week before and had nothing like that as a first cum.

I cleaned up and left. About half an hour later I tried again in a second public toilet in another shopping centre, but after a while it sounded like there was a queue for cubicles so I moved on to a third in a store, and there I cum again – not nearly as intense the first but still worth having!

Yippee

Tonight I asked Hazel to be my girlfriend, which she graciously (foolishly) accepted :-)

Pics on posts

I updated a bunch of previous postings with pictures, these should be the links to all the updates.

http://controllingmortice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/of-rope-and-straitjackets.html

http://controllingmortice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/toilets-and-humiliation.html

http://controllingmortice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/standing-up.html

http://controllingmortice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/the-postman-always-rings-once.html

http://controllingmortice.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/nibbling.html

And a bunch of pics from my visit to FreestyleRopeArt:

http://gallery.mortice.org/cgi-bin/thumb.cgi?cat_fra=on

And the secret identity is...

I've been referring in this blog to 'Anna', but have now been authorised to reveal that it was actually 'Hazel' all along! Yes, someone you don't know is actually someone else you don't know - shocker!

She's started up her own blog (in which she refers to herself by her name, not surprisingly, hence the change of name on here) so you can read both my side and her side of the same experience. It's interesting to see the different details we pick out about the same

http://purplewit.blogspot.co.uk/

Rope!

On Sunday Anna and I went with Master and Mistress to a rope bondage workshop. It was a lot of fun, initially for me watching Anna get tied up and teased (I helped with the teasing but as she was blindfolded she may not know which bits were me) then later I got hogtied and drifted off into subspace listening to conversations about suspension techniques.

Later my Master and another rope expert tied Anna and I together. She was tied to a chair, I was blindfolded and tied down with my head between her knees. That was a very hot position to be in until Mistress ordered me not to touch her – frustrating! Then chocolates were put somewhere on her body and I was sent ‘truffle hunting’ to find them. I concentrated my searches in some areas more thoroughly than others, although the chair she was sitting on thwarted my investigations.

I was still locked in chastity device at this time, my key in a portable key safe with a combination lock set by Master. He gave it to a friend and told her that she had 3 guesses at the 4 digit combination and the number of guesses would determine how long I would have to stay locked in chastity!!! Fortunately she realised that he wouldn’t have set such an impossible challenge unless there was a reason she might succeed, and so knowing him she was able to guess the code he used on the 3^rd try. This resulted in me being locked 24 hours longer than previously planned, so I would be locked into Monday when I was scheduled to be on ‘no touch’ anyway – could have been a lot worse!

The postman always rings once

Anna and I stirred awake in bed at about 5am. I felt her claws scratching me (still not worked out if that’s pleasurable or not, but it’s quite painful) and when I ‘commented’ on it, she said something about mittens. So I upped and collected some equipment, and before too long she was not only buckled into mittens but they were tied to rope tied to the corner of the bed. I was impressed she was able to sleep comfortably quite a while strung up like that. She looks very sweet sleeping in bondage :-)

In the morning I asked her to zip me into a sleepsack if she was going to be busy for a while washing her hair or something. She put me into it but to my surprise she turned into a very efficient cock tease, keeping me secured except for my cock poking out of a convenient hole while telling me what a bad boy I was. I’d initially considered her as ‘just’ a sub, but clearly there’s more complex dimensions to her BDSM personality, which is very nice to know!

Part way through that scene there was a ring on my doorbell. I wasn’t expecting anyone and Anna couldn’t see through the window who it was so we ignored it. Later she found that it was a postman (postperson?) trying to deliver a package. I believe it was a chastity device that I’d returned to manufacturer for adjustment. My mind was racing then on what could have been a very hot scene – me blindfolded and helpless in sleepsack while she signed for the package, opened it, discovered a chastity device, happened to notice my unfettered cock and locked me up in a device I’d never seen before releasing me from bondage. This is the stuff of fantasy (plot of many stories), but very nearly became reality. Instead I’ll pick up package from postoffice on Saturday.

For lunch we met up with Master and Mistress, then went home for a ‘snooze with benefits’. While Anna was dozing (blindfolded and hands restrained together) I took the opportunity to slip into a zentai (full body Lycra suit) and padlocked the zips using a combination padlock at the back of my neck so I’d need her help to get out of it. I did wonder about the wisdom of doing that but only after I’d scrambled the dials. Feeling this wasn’t enough bondage, I put a ball gag and blindfold on myself then returned to bed.

Anna and I ‘discovered’ each other while both blindfolded, which was kinda fun. I removed my blindfold then pushed the ball of the gag I was wearing into her mouth, and unbuckled it from my head and buckled it around hers. I then took the leather cuffs restraining her hands around the back of her neck and secured them to the back of the gag, which she seemed to enjoy. I then got to do as much as I could with a tied up naked girl while I was locked in a full body suit and still locked in a chastity device.

Bastards!

The previous post got as far as Anna and I going to bed, me still locked in chastity device under orders from Master and Mistress.

This is where it gets complicated… Master had told me that Anna had the right to unlock my chastity device if she wanted to, but I was not to tell her that I knew this. Unknown to me, she had been told that she could remove my device as long as I asked her to, but she wasn’t allowed to tell me that. I guessed she would probably have been told something like that (thought it might be more explicit like ‘remove at midnight’).

So, she keeps hinting about don’t I want to be out of the device and that she could get the key and use it if I wanted her to. I think she’s been told she’s allowed to. I know she’s allowed to. I expect she knows I know, and I think probably she knows I know she knows I know. But the only thing we both know is that I’m not allowed to – I’m still under orders to stay locked.

While lying on top of Anna, doing as much as I could while locked, I burst out laughing and didn’t stop for several minutes, because I realised what an evil contrivance Master and Mistress had come up with! I was allowed to be unlocked and not break any rule, but only on condition that I tell Anna that I don’t want to follow their rules and I want her to unlock me. I had to be seen to break rules in order to follow them. I used the word ‘bastard’ several times!

I made my speech to her about how I didn’t want to follow their rules again and wanted her to unlock me, knowing I was complying with the rules in stating it. The cage slipped off and the evening got more fun!

Nibbling

Friday morning and orders to relock after showering. Seems like unlocked is the exceptional state now and locked is the norm. It’s certainly trained me out of any anxiety about wearing cb at work, I take it in my stride these days. I sometimes miss the days when if something sexy came across my mind I could just grab my cock and run with it to natural conclusion, but it’s been replaced by a dedication to submission to the control of others, which seems more worthy. I was considering my erection-to-orgasm ratio – used to cum as a result of getting hard, now I’m hard most of the time and cum relatively never. Seems to be going in the right direction! Sometimes do miss the freedom though.

Then in the evening I had a second date with Anna. We went out to a local restaurant. We have (so far) quite a physical relationship (hot!) so I see the importance of going out in public and putting a table between us and talking about ‘normal’ things. Then home for bondage and sex :-)

We went to a nice quiet local Chinese restaurant and settled in for crispy duck. Imagine our surprise when 11 close friends come in and sit at the next table! Of all the restaurants in town they choose there to celebrate the birthdays of two of the crowd. On the one hand, a little distracting to keep overhearing the next table talking about people we know. On the other, it’s nice to be seen out together, almost like a proper couple :-)

It was only later on I realised I should have commented on the spices of the food that the kinky group were eating and asked if they had a lot of 'vanilla' :)

We got home, opened a bottle of wine and settled down to watch a movie. Well, I say watch but Anna did spend some of the time blindfolded and in a neck-to-wrist restraints, which kept her hands out of the way and leaving the rest of her naked body open to some vibrator teasing and some face-poking with my chastity device.

Another time while I was lying on the sofa she was nibbling my side and back. Well, I say nibbling but more accurately she was biting deeply into my flesh, leaving marks that I expect to still see in a few weeks. Love the intensity of a bite in the right place. Some are erotically painful, some are just painful, but strangely don’t seem to mind either. And do love looking over the marks on my body ages afterwards. I’m hoping that I always get new bite marks added before the old ones fade.

Eventually, we got to bed, and all this time I was still following orders from Mistress and Master about being locked in my chastity device, which was, to say the least, frustrating for me and amusing for her.

Standing up!

My orders for Thursday are to stay locked until 7pm then from then til 8:30pm I can unlock, play and cum, then until 10pm I can play but not cum, then on ‘no touch’ but allowed to sleep unlocked.

However, I was going out to a talk in the evening and Mistress was dropping by my house to pick up a dog cage and some other play equipment from me for a weekend with friends so I didn’t know when I’d be able to fit in the orders too. Not to mention needing to unlock and clean up (been locked 2 days, hygiene challenge getting a bit noticeable).

I got caught up with chatting with Mistress (nice to catch up with her) then dashed down food. The time was closing fast when I had to head out to talk, so decided to unlock at 6:45pm (earlier than instructed). It was good to get free of device and have a grab of my cock at last! I worked it for a while and before too long shot a hard-earned splurge. However, it wasn’t a very orgasmic experience, possibly due to the rush, even though it was the first time in a few days.

I cleaned up and dashed out, and got to the talk in time. I knew I wouldn’t have the chance to enjoy the ‘play but no cum’ time, but I figured since I unlocked ahead of time that was appropriate justice. A friend asked why I wasn’t there at my usual early time. I said that a friend was picking up some things, I declined to mention it was my Mistress picking up bondage equipment :-)

While at the pub hosting the talk, I went into the toilets and pissed standing up. Standing up! Seems like years since I’d been able to do that in a public place due to what feels like the permanent fixture of the chastity device. I know it’s only a few days but surprising how it’s ‘settled in’.

Sleeping overnight unlocked was a novelty too. Of course, the usual challenge of waking up shouted at by my free cock demanding a touch it is denied, but it’s better than the 4am hard-on in cage.

No touching

Wednesday I woke up in chastity, once again. It’s becoming quite a pattern, and for my orders I’ll be waking in chastity 4 days out of the next 5. I get so horny first thing in the morning, waking locked really sets my brain up to understand that my sex and my self are no longer controlled by me. It’s a vicious cycle of horniness and frustration which I love to wallow in.

I’m due to meet Anna for a date on Friday evening. We’re both subs so in no position to order each other, but I said to her that I would make requests to her which she need not accept but if she does accept them then I expect her to comply with the request. She agreed in principle.

I’m due to be locked in chastity during our date which could get fairly frustrating for me (but not in a bad way) though a lot of fun for her as I’ll have somewhere to direct my pent-up sexual energy. So it would seem appropriate for me to request her not to touch herself sexually at all over Thursday or Friday! She agreed to that, so when we meet we’ll both have that ‘edge’ of needing release. Very interesting to see how that affects things. Although suspect by the end of the night (if all goes well) she’ll be rather more ‘released’ than I will!

Toilets and humiliation

My instructions for Tuesday are that up to 6pm I’m only allowed to cum in a public toilet (work doesn’t count) and a maximum of twice. Then from 6pm I have to put on cycle shorts and cum in them (no touching except through shorts) then take a picture, keep the sodden shorts on for half an hour, and afterwards lock on cb for the rest of the night.

I felt different Monday night and Tuesday morning… I would like to say it was due to not having cum since Saturday but suspect it was the psychology of that knowledge rather than anything biological. However, my cock felt that bit more sensitive and aware, requesting attention from me all the time.

This is complicated by the fact that I had an event to go to for which I needed to leave home at about 7pm. And there’s only one public toilet anywhere near my route from home to work, and I couldn’t visit it to cum in the evening after work and still satisfy the cycle shorts task and still go out in the evening. So my only option was to go out at lunchtime to cum.

So this is what I did… my colleagues in work often go out about the same time and in the same area, so I had to take a non-standard lunch break, which got a few odd looks but no questions. I went into the public toilet, bottle of lube in my pocket, dropped my trousers and started to play.

I pondered about this… I was not directly ordered to do this (only told I was allowed to cum up to 2 time), it was my free choice to sneak out of work and get half naked in a public toilet just to satisfy my base urge of jerking myself off and grunting out a messy load. That’s fairly degrading, quite humiliating. And even worse to tell the world about it! But that’s why I do it… love the control, being kept horny over the weekend, then allowed a precious orgasm only in a humiliating manner… those thoughts assisted me in generating the messy load in question.

And then I felt quite different in the afternoon (wonder if colleagues noticed it). A real sense of feeling ‘refreshed’ at having shot out the angst of frustration.

I have several pairs of cycle shorts but for my evening task I picked out a loose pair that had no padding which would be easier to rub through. I lubed up but found the friction meant it was very difficult to get anywhere rubbing through the shorts (worse than rubbing with hand without lube). I found the only way was a brief touch inside shorts to get me in a ‘state’ so I could then rub outside the shorts enough to achieve the require splurge of messy stuff all over the shorts.

Big damp patch on the shorts, although I'll admit most of that is lube which got spread around quite a bit. It was fairly sodden (cum and lube) damp and horrible for the half hour until I was allowed to remove them, clean up then lock up in steel chastity device, which will remain locked until Thursday.

I accept the observation that I 'cheated' this task by touching inside the shorts.

Horny weekend

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Underwear-less

I was under orders not to wear underwear all Friday.

In the morning I put on the suit trousers I’d been wearing previously and checked to make sure it was decent. You could tell by looking that I was circumcised, so thought that might not count as decent! Swapped to some baggier ones which were better.

In the office we occasionally have stand-up meetings during which everyone says what they’re up to. I called a stand up meeting in the morning for the express purpose of standing in front of people with no underwear on. It turned out not to be a kinky waste of time as we had useful discussions about what people were doing.

Despite my self-consciousness the rest of the day passed without note. I went out in the evening and remembered to honour the ‘no underwear’ rule, even skipping the cockring I’d often wear.

Too much rubber!

I had a horny evening and a horny night. Any time I even thought about anything sexual, the feeling of steel wrapped around my cock was a strong reminder of my status and what I’m not allowed to do – which made me more horny, and the cycle repeated. I woke at about 4am due to the pressure inside the steel tube and my cock’s refusal to go to sleep when I do, but I managed to calm it down and got back to sleep okay. That does seem to be happening less recently than when I first started sleeping in chastity.

Following orders, I pulled on some rubber shorts over my chastity device for an interesting day at work. It makes me feel quite self-conscious, the feeling of being constrained in two layers while I’m inches from ‘normal’ people who know nothing of my kink. I can sometimes hear my metal PA piercing ring knocking against the steel tube inside the rubber shorts inside my work suit – nothing I can do about it but so far no-one’s asked about it. One time when I sat down in a meeting I heard the noise of air escaping from my rubber, but don’t think anyone else noticed. And there’s an inevitable noise when I try to peel down the rubber to use the toilet. I hope our toilet cubicle is remote enough for no-one to hear it, but I’m not quite sure about that…

If I’d been told to do this a year ago I’d have said, ‘no way’, but today I’m doing what I don’t think I’ve done before, wearing cb and rubber to work. I feel I’m getting quite into hidden kink at work, I used to be so self-conscious about every move I made in case there was a tell-tale noise and I’d examine my clothes closely to see if any bulge was noticeable, but for both I’ve got a lot more chilled out now. Not that I take it lightly, it’s still scary wearing such weird stuff, just not as paranoid as I was about it. I hope it never becomes ‘normal’ for me (mustn’t do it too often) it’s the ‘forbidden’ nature that’s part of the thrill.

At 6pm I unlocked the cb but had to keep my cock in the rubber shorts, so was not allowed to touch it. I was allowed to group through the rubber but have to stop if I get hard from it – appropriate level of tease! I only got hard and horny a few times during that time (other things going on).

I put on a rubber teeshirt then normal clothes and went out to the munch where I met Mistress and Master. However, I was informed that since I was under orders I should not have added the rubber teeshirt, just worn the rubber shorts (we’d had a discussion about this before and I’d understood I could wear kinky things but that was meant as only when I wasn’t under any orders and I shouldn’t have ‘supplemented’ the orders that way). My punishment was to stand in a corner of the pub, fortunately facing outwards and was able to interact with others if they initiated it. They were kind and only left me there for 5 minutes (no-one spoke to me). But I was told as additional punishment I was not to wear any underwear the next day.

I was allowed to play at 10pm while at munch but I didn’t take the opportunity at the time (busy with other things and a bit drunk) and wasn’t explicitly ordered to do so. But in the morning (always horny in the mornings) I had a nice play and shot 2 days of frustrated load while thinking about what I’d been through and what I was going to go through without any underwear next day.

Double-day instructions

Tuesday evening I messaged Master and Mistress saying I’d not had any orders for nearly a week (although I did see them on the weekend) and asking if everything was okay. Later I received a text from Master with this set of orders for me:

* All Wednesday morning, no touching cock

* Midday, insert buttplug

* On the way home from work for lunch, don’t make eye contact with anyone

* At home, edge but don’t cum, then lock on chastity device and remove plug

* On the way back to work, make eye contact with everyone you pass

* During the day, sit for at least 5 seconds on someone else’s chair

* Stay locked and on ‘no touch’ until 6pm Thursday

* Wear rubber shorts as underwear all day

* 6pm to 10pm can feel cock but only through rubber shorts and stop if you get hard

* 10pm free access

I thought it was a very good set of orders. Quite a variety of activities (plugging and rubber), some quirky orders (eyes and chair) and all 4 food groups (no touch, touch but not when hard, play no cum and free access). I like that it’s multi-day too. Thursday evening Master, Mistress and I will be at the munch so the 10pm will be in the middle of that time.

I received this while at a technical presentation. At the time I was wearing loose trousers and underneath a heavy steel cockring with no underwear. The orders immediately got me hard and I had to calm down before I could have stood up – quite a nice potentially humiliating situation!

I could technically have cum before midnight Tuesday but at the time was a little drunk and out of it, so instead rolled through to the midnight no-touch zone.

Wednesday morning I considered the orders. I had to put a buttplug in while in work, so tried putting the plug in one trouser pocket and some lube in the other. When I tried sitting down the outline of a buttplug was clearly visible on my thigh! I mused over this problem and came across the idea of attaching the plug to my cock piercing with a padlock. That way I could hide it in the tight shorts I was wearing. I clicked it together and it seemed to work well.

Of course, on the way to work the plug slipped down my leg but fortunately it was caught by the bottom leg hem of my shorts so didn’t pull on cock too much. Through the morning it made some interesting bulges down my inner thigh but no-one seemed to notice.

At midday I slipped into the toilet and used the lube to push the plug into my arse. Don’t think I’ve ever done that in work before. I did try keeping my cock locked to the plug while it was in but found it was too tight to be comfortable for long. I wasn’t due to go to lunch until 1pm so had a pleasant time sitting at my desk clenching my buttocks and moving the plug in and out of me. At one point I realised I hadn’t cleaned the lube from the base of the plug, and sure enough when I stood up I spotted a damp patch on the chair! No-one noticed though.

I went home, remembering to avoid eye contact with people. That puts me in a more submissive frame of mind, even though I don’t tend to make much eye contact with people I pass in the street anyway. At home I quickly followed the instruction to get hard and stay hard and edge. That wasn’t difficult given the anticipation of imminent lockup, assisted by the plug still in me. At the last moment I stopped playing, got soft, locked on steelheart chastity device then removed buttplug.

During the return to work, with new bulge in trousers, I tried to look in the eyes of everyone who walked past me but I don’t think anyone noticed. It did feel a lot more ‘extravert’ than staring at my feet. The afternoon was fun, being very aware that I was locked up but no-one around me having any clue (I hope).

I looked for an opportunity to sit in a colleague’s chair. This sometimes happens naturally and I thought I could contrive it but the opportunity didn’t come up all day. I was in fear of failing the order (again!) but I happened to be the last person in my office so I sat in a colleague’s chair. I then found that I wasn’t the last one, but I don’t think he’d noticed what I did!

So now (Wednesday evening) locked up for another nearly 24 hours. There is something nice about being locked up by someone else’s orders (or just told not to touch), kind of like being ‘looked after’, seems a safer state than letting me get up to anything by my own choice. I think I’m a pushover for a stern instruction :-)

Clubbing and flogging

I didn't receive any orders for Thursday or Friday, but on Friday evening I met with Master and Mistress to go to a monthly local fetish club.

We had a meal together. At the end of the meal I was instructed to take some lube up to the restaurant toilets and use my phone to film myself cumming there. I felt fairly self-conscious trying to look innocent with a large bottle of lube in my pocket on the way to the toilet. I managed to cum over my leg but somehow got some on my teeshirt which I tried to clean but stayed damp for the rest of the evening. Link to film will be available when I upload it (xtube having problems).

We travelled together on the train. At one point, Mistress fixed me with her dominant stare and said, "Pet," (that's what they call me), "pets aren't allowed on the furniture!" So I took myself off the seat and sat down on the floor next to them. This was fairly embarassing, but also a huge turn-on. My feeling of knowing I'm doing something just so weird but my compulsion to obey being greater than my humiliation. The woman in the next seat stared at us.

In the hotel before the event they had me stand naked in front of an open window while Master beat me with a flogger. I've not been flogged 'properly' like that before, and didn't know what to expect. He started with a light warm up but moved on to what I would call 'fairly painful'. At one point when it was getting too much I called out and he eased off then stopped.

He left. Mistress kissed me and left.

I was left a bit dazed and confused. It was not a scene I'd done before and the flogging was harder than I'd taken. My head was in an odd state I didn't understand. Master came back a while later getting organised for going to club, but when he realised I was not okay we had a hug and a chat about it. He agreed he shouldn't have left me straight away after then scene and I don't think he appreciated I hadn't had an experience like that before.

I know he's a very responsible player usually, and that evening (I learned later) the flogging was just spontaneously decided before getting ready for going to club. It wasn't planned to leave me, he recognises it was the wrong thing to do and I know it won't happen again. It was done as a "get in, get beaten, get out" scene, which can be very hot but as a first time with impact play with someone who's not experienced, that really should have been a much more touchy feely "how's it going" scene.It was an odd experience. The flogging was painful, and for me (mostly) not an erotic pain, but in a way I'm glad I went though it. I know I could have safeworded and I chose not to - I made it through. It did however teach me that I don't want to do it again.

While not being a good experience, it was a valuable one and everyone involved learned from it.

I was locked into a chastity cage then put in rubber shorts and teeshirt under cotton clothes. We then went to the club.

Mistress slipped a collar onto me and told me to get naked (except for chastity cage) and get down on my knees like a puppy. Then she threw a squeaky toy and had me retrieve it. I spent about an hour playing as a puppy in the club, which was a lot of fun (not so erotic but quite fun). I was running around between people's legs, getting patted by strangers, lapping up beer from a dog bowl and spent a while in the 'doggy daycare' cage.

After that play I was allowed to socialise like a normal person. Afterwards I wondered about if we should have got into other play scenes, but I know that at the time I was feeling exhausted and needed a good chill out so it was just as well it wasn't suggested.

The next day we met up again for a meal and chat, and talked through the flogging scene again, then had a very pleasant afternoon of chilling out. Mistress returned the key to my chastity cage which she'd been keeping for me, and allowed me to use it later, which I did to great effect :-)

Master and Mistress

I'm going to refer to Altariel as Mistress and Lord Saxon as Master for this blog from now on, to reflect their status as my controllers.

Yesterday they changed their FetLife profiles to list themselves as Master and Mistress to me! I find that very sweet, not sure why since it's only a nominal gesture and they've told me as much directly, but it's kind of like a "public display of affection" - warms my heart :-)

Touching and cumming

Today I received a collection of orders from Altariel:

• Wear rubber shorts to work
• Edge twice in work toilets
• No touching cock before work, after can play but no cumming
• After work go into train station toilets and cum
• Touch the arm of two colleagues in work

All quite hot stuff. I was playing in toilets in work, the morning one was really just getting aroused in my rubber shorts but the afternoon one was much closer to the edge. Then I had to go to the train station after work (quite a way out of my route home), fortunately the toilets there weren’t too busy as it took me quite a while to cum into my rubber shorts – suspect cock not covered from the brutal regime yesterday of 5 cums without lube. Still wearing the shorts into the evening.

In a previous post I told how I get hard and horny when I wake up in the mornings, and what an impact being ‘no touch’ at that time is. It’s nice to see that Altariel has realised what a significant time that is for me and chosen to use it against me to maximise my frustration. How sweet J

The most challenging of these is touching the arms of colleagues. I kept looking out for an opportunity but failed to spot one. Even the guy who sits next to me was away this afternoon, so I was quite far from anyone else. I touched fingers with people a few times but don’t think that counts. I did manage to move my arm to be touching someone’s sleeve (he moved away so probably noticed) which counts as one, but I didn’t manage two.

So I failed another order (in that I didn’t fully complete all assigned tasks) and suspect I will receive appropriate punishment. Lord Saxon and Altariel and I will be going to a fetish club on Friday so I may then receive the numerous punishments I’ve incurred recently!

5 out of 6 aint bad

I’ve given up thinking that I know anything about myself.

I was sure that cumming without lube would be nearly impossible for me. As it turns out, it’s quite tough but not as bad as I expected. My efforts through the day were:

• 7:45am cum in bed, not a very good experience but proved it was possible
• 8:30 am at home tried but failed to cum
• 10:30am cum in work toilets
• 1:30pm cum at home, hardly a dribble
• 6pm tried but failed to cum, left frustrated
• 7pm forced out another cum, took a while, not very orgasmic
• 9pm tried but failed to cum, left frustrated again
• 11:30pm took a long time but managed to squeeze out a 5^th cum

Cumming in work was the weird bit. In the last 15 years I think that’s only the 3^rd time I’ve cum in work. I had planned to cum in work toilets again at about 4:30pm but got involved in late meeting so couldn’t make it. The morning one was fairly intense, wanted to cry out but couldn’t due to being in work toilet!

It’s interesting that I felt the ‘post orgasm come-down’ more than I usually do. I don’t know if that was because without lube it was a lot more effort (exhausting!) than with lube, or that it was an intense sequence of cums, or because I’d not cum much in the week before.

However, despite my supreme efforts to obey instructions, I failed the task because I only managed to cum 5 times in the day and the order was for 6 times.

Dry cum

On Monday evening I received my instructions from Altariel for Tuesday – from 7:30am to midnight I was to cum 6 times but not allowed to use any lube. For me, cumming 6 times in a day would be very tough (recall doing 5 before) but I basically always use lube so not sure if even a single cum would be possible without it.

So this order was very challenging, reasonably confident it’s not even remotely possible, but (perhaps because of that) I felt such a strong urge to comply with it and do my very best. In other situations I’d just say “can’t be done” but as a submissive under orders I just feel a compulsion to obey. I don’t know what they’re doing to my head, it’s so weird but so hot!

I sent a text confirming if any sort of lubrication (such as water) was allowed. Altariel replied saying ‘no’ and added: "If you want the pleasure of wanking you must accept the pain of friction".

That got me so hard! It’s so cruel, but a beautiful cruel. That right there is my punishment for enjoying playing with my cock, and it’s a ruthless summary of my situation – earning pleasure by taking pain.

I worked out the complexity of emotion I was feeling could quite possibly be the first time in history anyone’s had this set of feelings in these measures all at the same time. These included:

• Concern that I will fail the order
• Worry of what the experience will be like – I’ll try not to let myself get sore but that’s a possibility
• Pleasure that Altariel is challenging me
• High pleasure that I’m feeling so compelled to follow her orders and do my best to succeed

Earlier on I felt an emotion which I described as, “Upset but very happy that I was upset” – I have no freaking idea where that comes from! It is all very positive though. Curiously I don't even resent being given an impossible task, or being punished for failing the impossible. My duty is to do what I’m told, independent of feasibility, and I may let them down.

UPDATE I didn't mention but on Sunday I told Lord Saxon that I generally need lube to get anywhere near cumming, so I have no doubt that's inspired Altariel to order me not to use it!